good advice

I really don't even know what to say about this photo.  I have had it in my album for a couple months now, and every time I look at it I laugh.  Every time.  My favorite part is that he began his advice on the bottom line and then erased it.  Because you know.  Otherwise it might seem like maybe he would need that many lines.

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job applications

Each year, my students must write me a letter in order to apply for their classroom jobs.  Whether or not I hire a student for a particular job depends on their strengths (which is why I don't hire them until a few weeks into the school year).

The letter is supposed to state why the student wants the job as well as why I should hire them.  

This is one of my favorite times of the year because I always get one or two hilarious letters.  I will share a couple in hopes that you get a few laughs as well!

1) Planet Fitness Enthusiast

Dear Mrs. E,

I would like to apply for the chair putter-upper because I love putting up chairs and it's always a good time.  I also want this job because I like to pick chairs up and put them down.  I would like this job because it's a blast!  I just don't know why I like chairs but I like them.

2) Personal Offender

Dear Mrs. E,

I would like to apply for the Banker position.  I would be great at this job because I'm good at reminding people things.  Like at the grocery store, I always have to remind my mom to get ice cream.  I don't know why she would forget that because who doesn't like ice cream?  (I'm really sorry if you don't like ice cream so I offended you because I made that comment).  But really, who doesn't love ice cream?

3) Olympic Gold Medalist

Dear Mrs. E,

I would like to apply for the trash position.  I promise I will not forget to do this job every morning and afternoon.  I know you have been teaching for awhile, but if I get this job I will be the best trash person ever in the history of the world!

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classroom court case

The other day I was cleaning my desk (a rare occurrence) and I found a letter from a couple of my students. Now, to understand the letter, I first need to give you a bit of background:

1. We have a classroom economy in my class where kids apply for classroom jobs and then are paid weekly in classroom money.  They can buy homework passes, lunch parties with me, and raffle tickets for prizes.  They can also be fined for calling out, losing worksheets, whining, etc.  
2. Some of my kids have created book companies and are selling their published work to each other for classroom money.
3. LW Books is owned by two boys.
4. NNE Books is owned by three girls.

Okay, back to the letter.

Dear Mrs. Eddy,

We feel we have the right to sue LW Books.  Emily willingly bought one of our "How to Survive School" books.  LW Books writers came up to us and told us that they told Emily to write a bad review on "How to Survive School."  We feel we have the right to sue LW Books for this. We would also like you to know that we have hired Connor as our lawyer.

Sincerely,

NNE Books

Well, at first I told NNE Books that they didn't have a right to sue because Emily has the freedom to write whatever she wants.  But then I thought about it a little.  LW Books hired Emily to write the review and because of this, other kids aren't buying books from NNE.  Well I am no legal expert, and so I emailed my sister (who is a lawyer).  Turns out that NNE Books does have a case!  So I decided that we would wrap up the year by pulling together many of the writing skills we have learned and put together a mock trial.  My sister has volunteered to help each side with preparing their case, and then she plans to come in and oversee the trial.  Ahhhh!  This is going to be great.  I simply cannot wait!

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where babies come from

Recently, one of my book groups began reading Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse.

This book is about a 13 year-old girl and the hardships she faces while living in the Dustbowl period during the Great Depression.  I picked this book because of its rich, descriptive language and also because its structure is free verse poetry and reads like journal entries.

To give the group some background information, we read a National Geographic article that explained what lead to the Great Depression and the dust storms. 

When we opened the book, one of my students noticed that the date on the first page said 1920.  Immediately, he asked, "How can this book be set in the Great Depression if the date says 1920?" 

So we began to read together the first page, where it describes the main character being born "on the swept floorboards of the kitchen because that's where Daddy said it would be best."  All I am intending is for the group to recognize that this is a sort of prologue since the next section skips to 1932.

The same student says, "I don't understand how women could have babies back then and live if they weren't in a hospital.  How do they get the baby out of the stomach without surgery?"

I responded, "Well, some women have surgery and the baby is taken out of the stomach and some women don't."  (moving on.)

We continue to read and then the boy stops and says, "But wait.  If the baby doesn't come out of the stomach, where does it come from?"  He thinks for a minute, while I stammer a couple "ums" and try to change the subject.  

Finally, he looks back at the text (nice use of a reading skill!) and says, "I see here it says that the mom was crouching.  Wait a minute," (thinks) "Does the baby come out of her butt?"  

At that exact moment, I look across the table at another student.  He is shaking his head and repeatedly whispering, "That's not where babies come from.  That's not where babies come from."

I can feel my face burning, and all I can think is "I did NOT anticipate this conversation when I planned this lesson!"  Finally, I manage to blurt out "I think you should ask your mom where they come from when you get home.  Let's move on."

perception is reality?

It has been FREEZING up here in Massachusetts this week. I think it's all my fault too because just last week I was saying to myself, "Wow, this has been such a mild winter!" Well, not anymore. I definitely jinxed us.

Now, sometimes after a long day of teaching, I just don't want to get out of the car to pump my gas. I know. I'm lazy. But the old man at the full service station in town is really nice! He calls me sweetie. I like to give him the business.

But this week, it's been too cold. It would be cruel torture to make him stand out there and pump my gas while I sit in my nice, warm car. Instead, I ventured to the local Richdale's. This, of course, is my first choice for self-serve because the owner's son is a former student of mine. Talk about small town teaching.

So, I am in line at Richdale's (the pumps are so old, they don't even have a card swiper!) when I see a boy peep out from behind one of the aisles. He's staring at me. I know he is in 4th grade because he looks familiar. I must have seen him in my hallway but I know he's not in 5th grade. I know all the 5th graders.

"HEY! I know you!" he says. "You're a teacher at my school!"

"Yes, I am," I reply.

Then a little girl jumps out from around the corner. She must be around kindergarten age. She comes right up to my knees. I thought for a minute she might even hug them.

"What's your name?" she asks. Her smile is huge and her teeth are covered in a thick layer of snickers bar. This makes me chuckle.

"Mrs. Eddy. What's your name?" I couldn't understand her response.

"Anyway," the boy interrupts. "I know who you are. You teach 5th grade, and all you guys do in your class is watch movies ALL DAY LONG."

I immediately burst out laughing. The boy looks quizzically at me. He doesn't understand why this is funny. The boy's father and I make eye contact, and I see him start to shake his head.

"Yep," I reply. "That's ALL we do!"

He doesn't pick up on the sarcasm.

"Sometimes, I ask to go to the bathroom, just to see if you're watching a movie."

I don't know how to respond to this, so I just keep looking at the father and laughing. He keeps shaking his head.

Finally, the boy says, "Yeh! And that's why I wanna be in your class next year. Because I wanna watch movies all day long too!"

***

I always wondered what my reputation was among the students. Now I know.

Today, one of my students was angry because he thought my lesson on latitude and longitude was boring. When asked what his teachers were teaching, his reply was, "All the teachers say is BLAH BLAH BLAH!"

the video

Last week was the viewing of the infamous video.  (You know, the VIDEO.)  It's always one of my favorite times of the year.  Seriously.  The looks on the kids' faces when they receive their permission slips never gets old.  But as embarrassing as they think it will be, they always amaze me with how maturely they handle it when the time comes.  And of course, I have to give major props to our school nurse who runs the meeting so we don't have to.  She really is the best nurse in the whole wide world.
Anyway, in honor of the annual video, I thought I would share some of my favorite kidisms from the Q&A sessions over the years.

Nurse: "The next question someone wrote asks, 'What is a period?'  Well, I think the video already explained that, so I will move on to the next one."
Student: "Um, Mrs. B?  That was my question.  And I still don't get it."
(Nurse patiently explains the whole process again.)
Student: "Ooohhhhhhhhhhh."  (Sour face).  "Well that is just gross!"



Student to her science teacher: "I already knew most of that stuff.  But I did learn something new.  I didn't know that women laid eggs!"

This week, I had another awesome conversation with the 1st grader I tutor.

We're in the middle of completing some addition problems, when suddenly he stops and asks, "Have you or any of your students ever peed their pants in school or at home?"
(I love how he included me in the question).

I respond, "Well none of my students have in class, but I don't know if they have ever done it at home.  Why do you ask?"

1G says, "Well, I've never peed in my pants in school, but I've done it at home a couple times.  One time, I was with my friends, but they didn't notice."

I replied, "Oh well that's good.  But, you know, if they are nice friends, they won't care if you pee in your pants."

To that, 1G responds, "Yeh.  I told my best friend, and he said he does it all the time.  So does his grandma."

Two weeks ago, I began tutoring a first grader.  At first, he was a little weary about working with a fifth grade teacher, and so his mom would often tell him that once he got to know me, it wouldn't be so scary.  Since then, he has been asking me some very interesting questions!

Last week's conversation went like this:

1G: I see a shiny thing on your finger.  Are you married?
Me: Yes.
1G: (stares at my belly) I can tell you aren't going to have a baby because your belly isn't big.
Me: You're right!
1G: If you drink TONS of milk, you're breasts will get bigger, and then you'll have a baby.